My weekend excursions to the local golf courses have become a bit of a running joke among my friends. But hey, I’m crazy like a fox – a digit-collecting fox!
Sure, I like to smack a golfball and make a birdie as much as the next newbie golfer, but, ladies, that’s not all that keeps me going back. The secret? Golf courses are like a man buffet without a ladyfinger in sight. Not only do the men outnumber the women, but most male golfers are polite, welcoming and literally bend over backwards to help a golfette with her clubs or just make small talk before the next hole.
These outings have resulted in lots of dates, friendships and just pleasant afternoons. Which got me thinking: When it comes to meeting members of the opposite sex, are you working the odds? Forget crowded bars and restaurants, here are under-utilized places to meet guys and girls and make new MeetMoi intros:
Places to Meet Men:
Golf Courses — Ladies, think of the driving range alley like your own personal runway and Work It.
Cigar Shops – Choose your flavor of stogie – caramel, cherry, even Amaretto – and your flavor of homme.
Dog Parks – Man’s best friend is who? That’s right, Grumpus Maximus.
Rock Shows/Concerts – Hit the concession stands and concourses – a great way to meet new people.
Places to Meet Women:
Nail Salons – Guys, you’d be more irresistible than Brad Pitt dipped in chocolate if you got a pedicure on a Saturday morning.
Yoga Classes – A dude performing the Warrior II pose?Namaste!
Yogurt Shops– Invite your new yoga groupies to a yogurt shop after class. (There’s always one nearby.)
Farmer’s Markets – Sure, you might have to get up before 10 a.m., but think of the selection.
If you’re like us, you’re having so much fun meeting folks on MeetMoi that all those glassy-eyed twosomes hogging the coffee shops have receded into your subconscious. You know, the ones mooning over SodaStreams at Sur La Table, clogging brunch spots with their strollers, and telling you that you’ll meet the right person “any day now”….as if your life depended on it.
I’m talking about couples, of course. Poor dears, haven’t they heard? Married couples are actually becoming an endangered species, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.
The number of marrieds has dropped from 72% in 1960 to just 48% in 2010. And a CBS News poll found that 7 in 10 Americans said they think the institution of marriage is weaker now than 20 years ago. So when you’re being told that being single isn’t the “end of the world” (which you already knew), you could cite those handy statistics.
Or, the next time you’re ambushed over Bloody Marys and Belgian waffles at brunch with “Sooo, why are you still single?”, try one of these snappy comebacks:
5. I’m next in line for Bradley Cooper (or, if you’re a dude, Kim Kardashian).
4. Budget cuts. I had to let some people go.
3. I’ll tell you in the next life, when we are both cats. (Best when uttered in a Castilian Spanish accent like Penelope Cruz in “Vanilla Sky.”)
2. Because when the zombie apocalypse comes, a partner will just slow me down.
1. Or borrow a page from Dorothy Parker, writer and celebrated wit: “If I didn’t care for fun and such, I’d probably amount to much. But I shall stay the way I am, Because I do not give a damn.”
Marina and the Diamonds’ latest album follows the exploits of “Electra Heart,” a made-up woman who represents a variety of female archetypes, says the musician. Among them, Marina mentions the house wife, teen idol, home wrecker, and, of course, the heartbreaker. Her video for “How to Be a Heartbreaker” won The Hairpin’s Best of the Best Music award for “Best Commitment to a Concept.”
When really, Electra will do anything but commit. “How to Be a Heartbreaker” outlines the rules for self-protection and overall domination in the face of romance. It speaks to the times when we all get tired of being open-minded and occasionally vulnerable; we turn in our soft sides for a more kickass, even villainous version of ourselves.
According to the lyrics, these are Marina’s rules. We have some suggestions for how you can play by them:
1. You gotta have fun. In the video, this is made evident by her gallivanting in a giant shower room, surrounded by a flock of nearly-naked male models. For you, that means submitting to your cravings on a daily basis. If you love cocktails, hit up happy hour after work today. If you feel giddy when you rock climb, skip work and fasten your belay. Heartbreakers are always looking out for number one, doubling their pleasure in life, and consequently attracting everyone around.
2. Don’t get attached to somebody you could lose. If you need advice on living fast and free constructively, we’ve got some. At the same time, we think half the fun of love is the exciting uncertainty of it all, and we’re fans of falling head over heels. But, if you’re looking to break some hearts and shield your own, you have to cut and run when anything gets too deep.
3. Wear your heart on your cheek, but never on your sleeve. Again, a heartbreaker banishes vulnerability. Marina’s signature heart on the cheek is instead a bold statement: See my heart, and know that only I own it. A visible heart doesn’t make it there for the taking; the heart on the cheek is a presentation of self without giving anything away. You speak your mind and talk about your feelings freely, but you guard your insecurities until you meet a trustworthy partner.
4. Gotta be looking pure (kiss him goodbye at the door and leave him wanting more). Let’s ignore the first bit, because we have know idea what “looking pure” entails today. A nun’s habit? A schoolgirl outfit? But we can get behind a savored flirtation. Don’t go back to his place on the first date. Tease him mercilessly on the second. On the third, be wilder than he ever expected. A slow reveal is often the sexiest, and the power’s in your hands.
We hear the glamour of heartbreak fades fast, but it’s fun to consider how, for one night or one year, you could be the girl in Marina’s video, strutting around in heels, choosing from an embarrassment of men, and being a (literally) cutthroat flirt. Go get ’em.
The beginning of spring means peak single blues time: couples are reveling in their togetherness, restaurants use V-Day prix-fixes as their primary luring tactic, and cold hands are desperate for a warm companion in these frigid conditions. When you find yourself wanting, avoid the urge to hibernate. Instead, turn to one of these active options:
1. Throw a Party. Though Hannah’s latest shindig on Girls lead to multiple emotional breakdowns, she had the right idea with her pasta and bundt cake. If you’re feeling lonely, bring people together on your own terms. Invite five or six of your friends over and have them bring their friends, plus wine. You provide the hors d’oeuvres, the music, and scintillating questions. If you’re partying on your territory, you’ll feel comfortable and loved. Plus, you get to sleep in your own bed at the end of the night, whether it’s alone or with an unexpected friend-of-a-friend.
2. Dance Of course you’ve seen Robyn dominate her warehouse dancefloor in Call Your Girlfriend. Channel her power and strengthen your inner diva by making up your own choreography, either in front of your mirror or at a club. Check out our list of music videos celebrating the single life, and reclaim your evening. The world is your dance space.
3. Do Something New No, not someone new (though that can help too). Here, we’re thinking of escaping the comfort zone. A new experience will confirm your interest in life when you’re depressed, whether you’re lovelorn or generally in “meh” mode. Check out Groupon for deals on interesting adventures in your city, learn how to make a pretty latte, or finally begin your DJ career.
4. Go for a Run Ever seen a Nike commercial where the girl is running like a badass and you simultaneously want to have her as your best friend but also to be her? It looks like she’s flying, she feels great about herself, and her shoes are some bright attractive color–triple threat. Go for a run and you ARE that girl. No one will know if you’re only out for 15 minutes. That’s enough time to get an endorphin rush and relish the wind in your face.
5. Go Out This is a risky bet if you’re in a bachelor/ette funk. Sometimes going out at night can reinforce negative messages you’re sending yourself. But, if you consciously decide to control your night, you’re going to be able to savor the freedom you have as a single person. Hit on the bartender, flirt with a cute man from out of town, make eyes at your ex. Nothing is off limits.
6. Take Care of Yourself Turn on whatever music you can sing along to, be it Britney or Beyoncé. Then, carefully apply your questionably lumpy brown face mask, paint your nails gold, or shave your legs with utmost precision. Do whatever makes you feel calm and refreshed. Lurk on Lush‘s website for inspiration.
In this exploratory MeetMoi post, we dig deep into the heart of our belief system to challenge common dating conventions we’ve come to accept as normal. Through years of subtle conditioning, these so-called standards weave their way into our social fiber without a conscious decision on our part. And when it comes to crossing gender lines, many are unfairly judged through dramatically differently lenses. Check out the example below.
A CELEBRITY COMPARISON ON SINGLEHOOD
THE FACTS: George Clooney has notoriously “played the field” for years, moving from one gorgeous woman to the next. Jennifer Aniston, until recently engaged, similarly spent several years dating various high-profile men.
THE PERCEPTION: George continues to be celebrated as Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor, while Jen was painted as a woman who couldn’t manage to pin a man down. He’s hailed for his stealth choice to remain single while she’s portrayed as sad, lonely, and heartbroken. The overall interpretation is that George is “un-gettable” while Jen is “unsuitable.”
It’s clearly an unfair double standard, but that hasn’t stopped millions from getting on the judgmental bandwagon. Even when we disagree, we blindly accept that things just are a certain way. So how do we reverse the brainwashing?
Know it can be reversed.
Be aware and open-minded.
Question old ideas, entertain new ones, and accept only what you truly believe.
Own the ideas you support, even if they’re unfamiliar or unpopular.
Can you envision a day when single women are celebrated as hard-to-get sex bombs instead of spinsters?
You like dating and meeting new people, but you’re not stoked to get serious with anyone at the moment. How do you get what you want without leading anyone on or crushing hearts under your flighty feet?
Once upon a time (in a high school or college far far away), players ruled the game. But now that we’re adults, a player also has to stand in as referee, water boy, and coach. Relationships, even the brief ones, require responsibility. Men and women who never learn to navigate the dating field with finesse are left on the sidelines. So if you want to steer clear of the cold, cold bench, follow these rules:
Initiate the conversation If you have a couple dates and are excited about the connection, put your cards on the table. “Hey, I want to let you know that I’m really enjoying the time I get to spend with you. And, I got out of a pretty shitty relationship a couple months ago–I’m not looking for another girlfriend/boyfriend.” Explain what you do want: “If you’re open to it, I’d love to keep going to dinner every couple weeks or so.”
If feelings evolve, then they evolve. You two can always readjust your expectations as you go. But making your status clear from the beginning will ensure that you can keep things casual and still have fun, respectful interactions.
Draw clear boundaries What does a sexual non-relationship look like to you? You don’t have to get into the specificities with your partner, but at least know for yourself. When you’re crying because your childhood cat died, can you call the person you’re casually dating? Will you buy each other birthday presents? Do you talk about work? Should you make sure you’re also hooking up with other people?
If you notice that you’re consistently crossing the boundaries you set, it may be time to reconsider your non-relationship status by either breaking things off completely or starting a full-on commitment.
Remind your partner where you’re at You go over to your date’s house after drinks; she starts crying because she’s afraid she’s going to fall for you. Despite its appearance, this is not a run-for-the-door moment. Be kind, be gentle, be honest. Tell her what you appreciate about her, but remind her you’re not going to get into anything intense. Reiterate your boundaries.
If your partner realizes that, for them, your situation is a recipe for heartbreak, he or she needs to find someone else who will cater to their current needs. You, on the other hand, keep flying free!
1 date, 3 dates, 30 days, marriage? Do you have a standard amount of time you wait before hugging without jammies? Or do you believe arbitrary rules like these ruin the flow of a new thang?
We talked to a handsome, single guy in his 20s who says he used to hook up casually whenever he felt that special attraction. But not anymore.
Now he says he purposely waits a minimum of 30 days before engaging in the no-pants dance. Gianni, 26, says it’s a do-no-harm dating policy he’s developed to spare himself, but also women, unnecessary pain and drama.
“Men mistake physical attraction for mental compatibility,” he explains.
Go onnnnn, we said, not at all creepily.
“You see, I’ll talk on the phone with a girl for hours if I’m attracted to her,” he continues. That’s because before intimacy, he says he’d meet someone and find everything about her magical and compatible. She was an actuarian? No way! He’d always wanted to do that too! A wheelchair thief? Sweet! A petty crime rapsheet is so bra, bra.
But too many times, he says, once intimacy happened — Poof! The attraction disappeared, and suddenly stealing wheelchairs seemed kind of lame. And then although his attraction was gone – hers, perhaps sparked by the release of the “cuddle hormone” oxtyocin, had doubled or tripled.
As a result, his partner now expected a relationship, while he was ready to hit the bricks. He’d stop calling; she’d get upset.
“They always thought there was something wrong with them,” he says. “But there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s me.”
By giving them both time to wait out the hormones, the 30-Day Rule took care of these painful misunderstandings. So tell us, is there an intimacy rule that works for you?
Do you play hard to get when you meet someone you really like? Or do you go all in with excited texts and phone calls?
Two new psychology studies are making the case for both (a) playing hard to get and (b) just saying no to sex on the first few dates if you want to find True Wuv. And not just for women, but for guys too.
The less available a person is, the more a crush is willing to invest time and money in them, according to the European Journal of Personality. Women surveyed said they played hard to get by acting self-confident, talking to other people, and withholding sex.
Aha, you might be thinking. ButI don’t want a relationship. I just wanna hit it and quit it! Or I just want to casually date and see where things go.
In that case, if you’re a guy looking for a fling, be impossible to get, advises study author Peter Jonason, Ph.D. Ostensibly, because women really do like men who seem like a challenge.
Of course, you also run the risk of sleeping alone, and being wildly unpopular with the ladies – especially if you wear eyeliner and a feather boa like that creepy Mystery guy from “The Pickup Artist.”
However, if you are looking for a relationship, neither of you should give up the goodies too easily, clucks Study 2, or you’ll fall into the dreaded Pit of Despair.
Of 11,000 couples together for at least one year, those who got it on within the first few weeks of dating admitted they had less relationship satisfaction, communication, and stability compared with twosomes who waited or abstained (that means no hoopdi-hoo) entirely, according to the Journal of Sex Research. (C’mon, this is a real publication? We couldn’t believe it either!)
“We all want honesty in dating, but it’s never going to happen,” Jonason dourly told NBC.com. “We’re not overtly lying, but we’re always trying to marry up.”
Sounds like Jonason is nursing a bit of a broken heart. After all, we know at least three happily married couples who all consummated on the first date. So tell us, do you believe in showing your feelings upfront, or playing hard to get? And why?
Years ago, when I worked at a posh shopping mall, they would play holiday music endlessly starting the day after Thanksgiving. Most of the songs, “Santa Clause Is Coming to Town” and “All I Want for Christmas Is You,” were cheerfully benign, but there was one vintage ditty that always set my teeth on edge – “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.”
Flash-forward to today. Turns out that the comedians on Comedy Central’s sketch comedy show “Key and Peele,” Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele, noticed the same thing. “It’s a little rape-y, isn’t it?” Keegan asks. Yep, kinda!
The premise of the duet is that a young woman has stopped by her beau’s house and decides it’s time to leave. But he doesn’t want her to go, so he counters all her objections with the line, “But, baby it’s cold outside.”
She: I really can’t stay
He: Baby, it’s cold outside
She: I gotta go away
He: Baby, it’s cold outside
Harmless enough, right? Except then he tries to roofie her … and keeps singing.
She: Say .. . what’s in this drink?
He: No cabs to be had out there …
And then she utters the word that’s cited in every Anti-Date Rape handbook …
She: The answer is No
He: But, baby it’s cold outside
We never find out if she finally makes it to the door in the song. It just ends with them singing harmoniously together. However, Key and Peele responded with their own parody in which the cornered cutie gets her revenge, called “Just Stay for the Night.”
What do you think? Is this old-school holiday tune clever or cringe-worthy?
When you’re single, it suddenly feels like every pop song on the radio is a sappy love ballad. Mumford & Sons are furiously strumming about how “I will wait, I will wait” while Bruno Mars (with little subtlety) croons on about sex and paradise. To help divert from the romantic repetition, we’ve compiled a brief list of music videos celebrating the single life. As you’re getting ready to go out tonight, let them energize and inspire you.
Natasha Bedingfield–Single
Natasha’s always been good at the inspirational, Sisterhood in the Traveling Pants-esque tracks. Here, she’s strutting the streets, dancing with her girls in the club, proving she def “Don’t need to be on someone’s arms to look good,” nor does she “need another half to make [her] whole.” She could have any number of adorable men, and yeah, she’ll play around with them when she wants. But she’s chosen to be single right now, and it’s a good life.
Beyonce–Single Ladies
Clearly this song/video has to be included, but it comes with a warning: Watching one Beyoncé video may cause you to fall into an afternoon-long K-hole of other Beyoncé videos. Her hip gyrations and varying fashion choices are a combination too potent to resist. But do your best, so you can watch this vid and move on with the playlist. Whether you’re dancing alone in your room or having a glass of wine with friends, put your hands up when Beyoncé tells you to. And if you have to watch more Bey, make it the female-empowering Diva, in which she blows up a car.
Pink–So What
This video is more about reclaiming yourself after a break-up, though it works as a pump-up for most any situation. Give it up to P!nk for turning her divorce into a chart-topping song and entertaining music video. She’s never been afraid to get extreme, and she goes hard with a sense of humor. If you’re in need of new energy in your life, ask What Would P!nk Do? and let your rock star self take control.
Jason DeRulo–Ridin’ Solo
“I’m feelin’ like a star, you can’t stop my shine.” Jason DeRulo may wear a gross spiked leather jacket and drive a Honda for the product placement, but this song is prime for celebrating the single life. Perks of Ridin’ Solo? No one to freak out when you don’t follow the GPS directions, you can roll up to the club at any hour, and you dance with whoever looks exciting.
Robyn–Call Your Girlfriend
Could Robyn be my spirit animal? I want the confidence to dance in an empty room, wearing a fuzzy sweater and platform shoes. Though Call Your Girlfriend isn’t necessarily a single-life anthem, the video is a representation of strength–be the “somebody new,” take up space, and ask for what you want. Find the Robyn inside.
Billy Idol–Dancing With Myself
Billy Idol’s eighties weirdness somehow fits well after watching Robyn’s performance. Maybe it’s the blond factor, but they’ve also both got such solid presence and gusto. In Billy Idol’s video for Dancing With Myself, he’s playing with electrocution and teaching zombies how to get down at an underworld party. It’s strangely perfect, and celebrates singledom well.
Florence + the Machine–Dog Days Are Over
You’re pretty much guaranteed to feel a swell of “Yes, I will charge forth” as you listen to Florence’s most famous song. Call it the battle cry of cool moms, the war drums of wannabe indie girls. It’s a song that transcends social groups and somehow buoys everyone. Plus, the music video seems like it belongs in a MoMA somewhere, it’s so intricately blocked and costumed. Watch and make your own declaration: your dog days, whatever they meant, whoever they represent, are over.
Always Looking for You 