Here’s How Guitar Players Meet More Women

by Jackie Potts

Your suspicion that women dig guys with guitars is correct. Behold the scientific proof …

Dudes carrying guitar cases collected more women’s phone numbers and set up more dates than regular Joes, according to a real-life, street-corner dating study of twentysomethings.

And it gets better: The guy never even has to play the guitar.

Here’s how the experiment went down: Researchers told a 20-year-old guy to approach 300 women, ages 18 to 22, in a busy French shopping district. In all cases, the guy used the same “script.” He introduced himself, complimented the woman, asked for her phone number and invited her to meet for a drink later.

The only difference in each encounter was his accessory. He was either empty-handed, carrying a sports bag, or holding a guitar case.

Nearly one third of the women, 31 percent, handed their phone numbers over when he was holding the guitar case. A not-too-shabby 14 percent turned their digits over when he was empty-handed.

And when he was holding the sports bag? A measly 9 percent forked out their numbers to the sidewalk player when he was holding his sweaty gym clothes.

Take it from country Casanovas Brad Paisley and Keith Urban.

“Just get you a guitar and learn how to play, Cut up some jeans, come up with a name. When you’re living in a world that you don’t understand, Find a few good buddies, start a band.”

Not comfortable going on tour? Put your musical aspirations in your Meetmoi.com dating profile.

(And you can still work out too.) Happy hunting!

Jackie Potts is a blogger at Marketsmiths.com.

The Friend Zone: Fact or Fiction? Part 2

by Sabrina Cohen

Last month I wrote about platonic friendship between men and women. I grew up around guys whose philosophy was, “A guy only wants to be friends with a girl to get in her pants.” Even with that notion floating around in my consciousness, I managed to maintain lots of platonic friendships with guys throughout my 20’s.

But as time went on, the dynamics changed. In some cases, the friend got into a serious relationship and I inadvertently became the other woman, even though nothing sexual ever took place. Suddenly the idea of another woman sharing up-close-and-personal time perhaps seemed inappropriate. Thankfully it usually resulted in a natural drifting as opposed to anything dramatic or specifically addressed, at least to my knowledge.

I’ve also seen plenty of women cut off relationships with guy friends because her significant other was jealous or threatened. Was it because they believe that any other man is really interested in more than friendship?

In other cases there was no significant other, just unforeseen (ok, undisclosed) feelings that appeared to motivate one person to engage in the friendship. In my case, even though my intentions were clear, I was guilty of denying his ulterior motives.

With all that said, I do maintain friendships with these men. They’ve morphed significantly over the years, but considering they’re still there, anything is possible.

In your experience, can men and women really just be friends? How about when one is in a relationship?

Sabrina Cohen is a blogger, copywriter, and creative consultant for MarketSmiths.com.

 

 

Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Ex? Try This

by Jackie Potts

The breakup happened, and enough time has passed that you’re ready to hit the dating circuit again. So … why do you keep hovering over your ex’s Facebook page? What inspired you to send this text at 10 p.m. Saturday night: “No one gets our jokes. I miss U. Call me!!! L L L L”?

Take heart. You’re not alone: An astonishing 88 percent of men and women creep on an ex online after a breakup, according to a study by the University of Western Ontario. And being de-friended doesn’t stop us Wile. E Cyberstalkers. Seventy percent use a friend’s Facebook account to “peep” on our peeps. Another 50 percent text or call in spite of discouragement. (Yep, guilty here too.)

Thinking about your ex is normal. But talking and acting on that wastes time, exhausts friendships, and stops you from meeting cool new singles on MeetMoi.com. Stop circling the “If only we were back together … ” drain now, and reboot your brain.

Inspired by Eastern-based philosopy, this system works for smoking, procrastinating, the munchies, and the breakup blues.

Grab a pen and paper and make two lists. Title the first, “Things I Won’t Miss About [YOUR EX’S NAME],” and include his or her most non-supportive or annoying habits. Then list 10 things, like “being stood up,” “feeling nagged,” or “that yappy dog.”

The second list contains future positives from being newly single. Call this one, “Things I’m Looking Forward to Without Jenny or Josh.” List 10 more things, like “freedom to watch the game” or “girls’ night!”

Then, read both lists once a day, preferably before bed — and stop stalking your ex.

In a few days or weeks, your subconscious will be magically reprogrammed. Try it, and let us know your results.

Jackie Potts is a blogger at MarketSmiths.com. 

The Art of Open Relationships

by Sabrina Cohen

What do you call it when a committed couple agrees to see others outside their immediate bond? An open relationship, of course.

Seen from one viewpoint, open relationships require immaturity—and a serious yen for adventure. Seen from another, they’re a natural extension of our real world attraction to others, and require—ironically—an even deeper maturity, connection, forthrightness, and understanding.

On the pro side, new partners can provide a needed sexual boost. They can administer fresh attention, companionship, and even challenge. They broaden the horizon—be it emotionally, sexually, and even intellectually.

But there are just as many reasons to avoid an arrangement that some might see as a land mine. To name a few: jealousy, possessiveness, insecurity, and romantic attachment.

If you’re considering an open relationship, think about these parameters:

• Make sure both of you are on board. Persuasion or manipulation will likely backfire.
• Establish solid ground rules.
• Be honest with your new partners. Let them in on your arrangement.
• If you’re new, venture forth slow and steadily. Experiment and enjoy, but keep a close eye on everyone’s comfort zone.
• Maintain your respect and communication for each other, and not least your honesty toward yourself.

In short, open relationships can be an exciting way to spice up your relationship and build self-awareness. But they’re not for everyone, so proceed with caution.

Have you ever considered or engaged in an open relationship? Share your story below!

Sabrina Cohen is a blogger, copywriter, and creative consultant for MarketSmiths.com.

The Golden Rule of Dating

by Sabrina Cohen

OLD SCHOOL RULES

Back in the day (the olden days, not 1995), dating was relatively simple; people met, married, bore children, and died—for many, all this before age 30. Up until the mid-twentieth century there were clearly defined (albeit unspoken) rules, and just about everyone followed them. But as our freedoms increased, so did our options. Dating these days is a free love free-for-all, based on nothing more personal preference.

Without having “rules” or standard practices to go by, dating can be a minefield of mixed messages. Every person speaks his or her own dating language, leaving everyone else lost in translation. This could explain why dating is so damn confusing these days, and why after a while, everyone out there seems crazy.

NEW RULES = NO RULES

With no set rules to play by, we have no choice but to follow our instincts. Setting aside contrived signals, logic, and reasoning, we instead focus on the natural chemistry that exists (or doesn’t). We learn to be guided by our experience as opposed to our thoughts about what “should” be. We also learn to just be instead of being stuck in evaluation mode all the time.

It may seem to have been easier back then, but there’s something refreshingly simplistic about relying on our hearts and not our heads for a change. And perhaps the unpredictability of it all may actually make it easier for daters today to spot the right thing when it comes along.

So, how you navigate the uncertainty? Follow today’s golden rule of dating: Lead with your heart, follow your gut.

Do you fancy yourself a modernist or do you prefer the dating traditions of generations past?

Sabrina Cohen is a blogger, copywriter, and creative consultant for MarketSmiths.com.

First Date Advice: How to Click in 4 Minutes

By Jackie Potts

Good news for singles: You only need four minutes to hit it off with someone new, and we’ve got some first date advice to help tip the scales in your favor.

Think dating chemistry is all about money and appearance? It really has nothing to do with your car or designer labels, according to a new Stanford University dating study. It’s all about showing compassion, enthusiasm and using the following conversation skills.

By analyzing nearly 1,000 dates, geeky guys Dan McFarland and Dan Jurafsky found that how words were delivered, when and for how long determined the strongest connections. And four minutes is all it takes to spark “a meaningful relationship,” they said.

During these mini-dates, women were definitely the deciders in whether or not the conversations would continue, but both genders can do several things to ensure a second date.

• Show approval. Use phrases like “That’s awesome” or “Good for you.”

• Be empathetic. If a date shares a hardship tale, respond with, “That must be tough on you,” or something supportive. Women like guys who seem to understand their problems.

• Share a short personal or funny story. Spilled BBQ sauce on your shirt? Rode an elevator once with Lil Wayne? Talk about it. But avoid complaining or “Can you believe my ex?” anecdotes.

• Watch out for the “I” monster. If every other word out of your mouth is “I,” you’re losing your date.

• Show vocal enthusiasm. Laughing and making your voice louder or softer to mirror the other person’s help create an emotional connection.

• Don’t grill the other person. What’d you do today? Where do you work out? Hey, where are you going? People lose interest when asked question after question.

Interestingly, both guys and girls reported stronger connections when the conversation focused on her. Take it from Beyonce: Who run the world? Girls.

Jackie Potts is a blogger at MarketSmiths.com. 

How To Sidestep Shyness

by Sabrina Cohen

The dating world is already daunting. Add in shyness and increase the challenge factor. But all’s not lost: with effort, persistence, courage, and the below tips, even the most timid dater can overcome!

Smile!

A good ol’ fashioned smile is easy to flash. It’s also pleasantly disarming. Smiles have a way of quieting insecurities for both of you—and upping the ante on confidence, friendliness, and fun. It’s also great to precede your smile by making (and holding) eye contact with someone you find attractive. Yes, stare—and use their gaze back as a doorway to connect.

Ask for directions

You’ve gotta be on your toes for this one. If you see someone you like, jump at the opportunity by asking for directions. Be a little proactive: figure out a nearby “faux” spot. Practicing on a regular basis can help you ease out of the shy zone. Spend some time walking around and stopping random people for directions. Warm up by starting with people you don’t want to date. Then move on to more challenging prospects. Remember: no risk, no reward.

Ask about a spot to eat

Go a step further by inquiring about something open-ended, like area eateries. Your question can spark conversation about the neighborhood, food preferences and beyond. Mention having time to kill (hint hint). If the person is interested, it can be your first date!

How do you overcome an attack of shyness? Share your approach below!

Sabrina Cohen is a blogger, copywriter, and creative consultant for MarketSmiths.com.

 

The Spin: How to Silence Your Cynical Self

by Sabrina Cohen

In the wake of undesirable dating experiences, we often punish ourselves with cynical thoughts, emotions, and conversations—including with ourselves. While we can’t control outside factors, we can control our reactions, and bounce back stronger than ever.

Language dictates attitudes, and attitude dictates behavior. Discouragement and cynicism breed bitterness, and no one finds that attractive. With awareness, we can choose a reaction that’s healthy as opposed to one that will perpetuate more of the same. Review the following examples and notice the power perception plays in how we interpret situations. The next time it all goes to hell, silence your cynical self by practicing the spin.

 

1) Your recent dates have been a barrage of dysfunction.

The cynic: Are there any normal women/men out there?!!

The spin: I’m so ready to meet someone grounded like me.

 

2) All of your friends are coupled up and you’re noticeably single.

The cynic: I must be the only one alone for a reason.

The spin: The right person is worth waiting for.

 

3) Your last breakup had you reeling in heartbreak.

The cynic: I’d rather be alone than risk being hurt.

The spin:  I’m open to finding someone, but I’ll focus on myself till then.

 

4) Your last significant other resented how much time you spent on work.

The cynic: I have to choose between a career and a love life.

The spin: I can have it all! The right person will appreciate my ambition.

 

How do you bounce back from bad dating experiences? Share with us below!

Sabrina Cohen is a blogger, copywriter, and creative consultant for MarketSmiths.com.

 

 

 

 

The Friend Zone: Fact or Fiction? Part I

by Sabrina Cohen

My friend recently dated a guy she met at a business networking function. He was handsome, successful, well packaged, and well mannered. They kept in touch and he suggested they meet under the guise of a potential work collaboration. She got the sense he was interested, but wasn’t sure how she felt. She went in open-minded, hoping something would spark.

They enjoyed great conversation, genuine laughs, and had more in common than expected. But there were also significant differences. He was a bit older, newly divorced with grown children, and ultimately looking for his next leading lady. She was more circumspect: happy to live the single life.

Despite a strong interpersonal connection, she just wasn’t feeling it. She broke the news, expressing a genuine desire to keep in touch. To her surprise, he agreed. Maybe it was his maturity. Maybe he saw an opportunity to win her over in time. Maybe he just didn’t want to burn a bridge.

Does the urban myth of platonic friendship actually exist? What do you think?

To be continued…

Sabrina Cohen is a blogger, copywriter, and creative consultant for MarketSmiths.com.

Serial Daters: Playing The Field Or Playing It Safe?

by Sabrina Cohen

Are you a one-date wonder wading aimlessly through the dating pool, stopping just long enough to find fault with every potential fish that passes by? Are you a perpetual player or just playing it safe?

In my eyes, there’s never a right time to pursue a relationship you know isn’t right. But there’s a difference between standing for what you want and having unrealistic expectations. Is it just that you haven’t found “the one” yet, or are you plagued by perfectionism?

Here’s how you can tell the difference:

1. Trust your body over your mind: By “body” I mean intuition. Be rational, but indulge gut instincts over analytical judgments. Ever feel something you can’t put a finger on? Trusting that may lead you to someone you wouldn’t have thought to consider.
2. Identify resistance: Is it the feeling that this person isn’t right for you, or is it plain old fear (of commitment, being hurt, hurting someone else)? Is there a real lack of connection, or are you prematurely selling yourself on why it wouldn’t work out? Awareness is key. Stop to take a hard look and insert brutal honesty.
3. Adopt the “no risk, no reward” mentality: Sometimes a leap of faith outside your comfort zone can surprise you into opening up in a way you haven’t before. If you’re questioning your feelings, give it the benefit of the doubt—take a chance and go on another date!

Ever been caught up in a serial dating cycle? How did you get off the wheel? Share your insights below!

Sabrina Cohen is a blogger, copywriter, and creative consultant for MarketSmiths.com.