By Brienne Walsh
If you’re a MeetMoi user, then chances are you’ve already run into issues dating multiple people at once. Because while one guy might have been really fun, he’s not free until next week, so what’s the harm in meeting the guy with the cute profile picture for a drink down the street…right?
Right. You’re single, you’re fun to date, and you don’t want to settle. In other words, you want to try all of the flavors at the ice cream store before you settle for a single flavor. Or, in your case, a few flavors that go well together, until you give up ice cream all together for one brownie who’s worth them all. And by brownie, we mean a guy who makes you blissfully happy.
Chances are, if the guy you’re dating is also on MeetMoi, then he’ll understand that he’s not your one and only…at least not until he proves himself. That being said, in order to avoid hard feelings, it’s good to follow a few golden rules.
1. Never Double Book
We all know how it goes. You made plans with that really fun guy a week in advance because your first date went really well, but this Ryan Reynolds look-alike just asked you if you’d like to meet for a drink a block from your apartment. So you do. Even though you know you only have 45-minutes left until you have to leave for dinner. Ryan Reynolds-esque turns out to be really charming, and thirty-five minutes into the date—and two glasses of wine later—you’re making out at the bar.
Fifteen minutes of that—trust me, he’s a really good kisser—and you realize that you’ll never make it to dinner on time. So you jump up abruptly, and leave him confused, thinking that you forgot you were supposed to go pick up your laundry. On the way down to your other date, the traffic is atrocious, so you arrive twenty minutes late. Fun guy is pissed. Ryan Reynolds is bewildered. You reach out to them the next day, and don’t hear a word back from either.
Because you pulled the classic dating mistake. You rushed out of one date, and were distracted on the next. You gave neither guy your full attention, and they, in turn, felt a subtle rejection. Even thought that was never your intention.
Even worse, you lied. Which is a terrible way to begin any relationship.
So what do you do the next time Ryan Reynolds asks you out on a date on the same night that you’re supposed to meet the only guy you know who will admit to loving Downton Abbey? You ask him to meet the following day. Because trust me, nothing good has ever come out of double booking an evening, especially in the world of dating.
2. Be Upfront…But Not Too Upfront
It goes without saying that if the guy you’re on a date with asks if you’re dating other people, you should be honest, and admit that you are. And hopefully, he’ll pay you the same courtesy by doing the same when you ask him.
But there’s no need to bring it up yourself. For instance, even if you want to talk about how weird the guy with the body odor and verbal diarrhea was that you were dating last week—because let’s be honest, the story about the gremlin figurines above his bed is pretty funny—the guy you’re sitting across from doesn’t want to hear about it. He’s in the ring competing for your heart, even if you never see each other again, and there’s nothing that scares a guy off more than listening to girls make fun of other contenders.
Because not only does it make you look bad, it also makes him change his behavior. He doesn’t want to be the next guy you make fun of on your next date, even if you love quirky guys—just not ones that love small stone monsters. So he begins to act like the guy he thinks you like, not the guy he actually is.
And the same goes for you. If the guy across from you starts talking about the other girls he’s dating, you start immediately making comparisons with yourself. “Am I as pretty as her?” You ask yourself. “Is she funnier than me?” And it ruins your ability to really be yourself.
The only time to be really upfront with someone is when you know you want to lock it down. You’ve been on ten dates with a guy, and you really like him. You want to stop dating other people. And, you want to know that he feels the same way. So you ask him to meet up with you, and you pop the question. “Are you dating other people?” And if he still says yes, it might be time for you to pull out your iPhone, and see if there’s someone logged in around the corner who might want to get a drink with you after dinner.
3. Settle Down With The One Who’s Worth It
A good man really is hard to find, so when you do meet someone special, don’t deny it. Women spending a lot of the time doing what they think they should do, rather than acting on how they feel, because in the past, when they go with their gut, they’ve been disappointed. But the thing is, that your gut usually is right. That guy you loved with all of your heart might not have been the man you married, but he will still an important relationship. You grew a little with him, and now that you’re older, and you’ve dated more people, you’re more capable of making a good, healthy decision when you choose someone else.
So when you meet a guy who makes you feel like the most beautiful girl in the room, or who makes you laugh so hard that your sides hurt, ditch all of those other guys you’re dating. You don’t need a back-up plan. You don’t need an escape route. You need to give your heart to someone who moves you, and see where it takes you, even if it doesn’t work out. Loving someone, even fleetingly, is worth it every time.