Monthly Archives: July 2012

Multi-tasking: Balancing your dating life and work

By Dawn Papandrea

It’s very easy to get wrapped up in either your work or dating life, and you should do both… as long as you find a good balance and don’t let one invade the other. Here are some dating tips for young professionals on how to be sure their two worlds don’t collide.

Big brother is watching. The excitement of a new relationship can be overwhelming, but letting it interfere with your work day won’t score you any points with the boss. In other words, don’t spend your work days texting or checking his or her Facebook profile hoping for a relationship status change. And, don’t forget: Your work email and calls can be monitored, so keep correspondence professional, or use your personal accounts or cell phone for your midday check-ins.

Show up for work presentable. If things go in a different direction than you were expecting (i.e. you never end up making it back home to your apartment), you’re better off calling your supervisor to say you’ll be in late so you have time to go home and freshen up. Refrain from showing up to work all disheveled, hung over, or worse — in the same clothes!

Watch out for office TMI. Even if you have the type of co-workers that will be thrilled for you if you meet someone who’s great, try not to go overboard by recapping your entire relationship for anyone who will listen. First of all, you’re at work to work, but you also don’t want to come across as a braggart, or annoy people with endless obsessing over every detail of your dates and what he or she meant when he said this or that.

If meeting after work, stick to the lobby rule. Just as you might not be ready to bring your new mate home to meet your mom, he or she probably shouldn’t be meeting your entire work staff in the early stages of your relationship. If you decide to meet up for an after-work drink, pick a nearby venue, or agree to wait in the lobby or in front of one of your office buildings.

Don’t work on your date. Having a high pressure job is one thing, but if you’re out with someone, the last thing you should be worried about is checking your email. Stuff happens, of course, depending on the nature of your job, so if something comes up, politely excuse yourself and take care of it quickly, not while you’re half paying attention to what your date is saying.

It’s easier said than done to leave work behind once you leave the office, or put aside thoughts of your new love interest when you’re in a staff meeting, but it’s imperative that you learn to focus on what’s important in the moment.

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Game of Intros: Play and Win in Brooklyn, NY

Our Summer Event Series may be coming to an end, but we’re making sure we end it on a high note. We’ve partnered with Brooklyn Based to give you one more night of summer fun on August 8. Details below:

You check your phone while you’re out right? You text, take photos, and if you’re single, you use it to meet people.

No? Well, on Wednesday, August 8 from 7 to 10pm, we’re inviting you to find a fling at Greenwood Park, using nothing but your wit, charm, and an app called MeetMoi, in a game that will introduce you to people all night long. You just download it, create a profile, and let your phone set you up while you’re hanging out in this palace of outdoor drinking. And we are not using the word palace lightly. If you have not yet been to Greenwood Park, you will be blown away by the indoor and outdoor bar, 3 bocce courts, and tables galore.

It’s really more like a small city where, unbeknownst to the regular bar crowd on August 8, you’ll be playing Game of Intros–essentially a dating game for the smartphone set. Once you specify who you are (straight, queer, a smoker, whatever) and who you want to meet (say an early 30s post- grad hottie), it introduces you to the people you want to date. The more intros you receive on August 8, the more times you’ll be entered to win free beers, and fab prizes like dinners for two at Dressler, Vinegar Hill House, and a hefty bar tab at Greenwood Park.

This is the one time you’ll be rewarded for being a player. (And if you’re really serious about winning–or, um, making a love connection, read this (http://brooklynbased.net/blog/2012/07/how-to-get-set-up-by-phone/) to find out how to increase your chances of getting more intros, and how to win the prizes.)

The sooner you get your profile set up the better your chances of kicking ass, or finding some, on August 8. And to loosen up all you players, we’ll be giving away pints to the first 100 to flash us the app, which is required for entry. When you download it, enter “Brooklyn” in the guest list field of registration to qualify for prizes and a chance at winning a pair of Sleep No More tickets.

Good luck scoring on August 8!

Details:

  • Game of Intros
  • Wednesday, August 8, 7pm-10pm
  • Rain Date August 9
  • Greenwood Park
  • 555 7th Avenue, Sunset Park
  • Near the F/G to 15th Street
  • Download MeetMoi to get in and play
  • Free pints for the first 100 who flash app upon arrival

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July 25, 2012 · 10:41 pm

Six Etiquette Tips For Double Dates

By Natasha Burton

Double dates are a fun way to meet up with someone without feeling the pressure of an one-on-one encounter. The Wingman feature allows you to invite your friend to MeetMoi so you can receive intros together. But having a partner-in-crime by your side — your best friend, your co-worker — doesn’t make a date immune to pitfalls or tense moments. Here are six issues that might come up on a two-on-two meet-up and advice on how to solve them.

The Issue: The date just started and things are just, well, awkward.

If you can, avoid going to dinner for a double date. Try mini-golf, bowling, wine-tasting — something that’s active and has a focus other than making small talk. But, if you do go out to a restaurant, and you can hear crickets chirping, spark conversation with an interactive meal. Order beer or wine flights, get a sample appetizer platter or share desserts among the table — that way there is a group activity that includes everyone and you will have something to bond over instantly.

The Issue: All the guys/girls are talking to you (or, conversely, none are talking to you).

If you’re the friend who everyone is fawning over, it’s your job to steer the conversation to include the person who is left out — segue with a short introduction about his or her recent achievement at work, crazy neighbor or new dog, then let your pal tell the tale. If you’re the left-out friend, don’t make a scene and get up from the table in a huff to indicate that other people are being rude — it will just make you look rude. Do the best you can to participate in and contribute to the conversation and, if your efforts are continually ignored, excuse yourself from the evening with a stomach ache or work demand. And then find yourself another double-dating partner.

The Issue: One person is dominating the date.

Perhaps one of the people you’re meeting up with thinks he or she is the most interesting person in the world and feels the need to tell you every story, opinion and accomplishment he or she has. If you’re on an “active” date like bowling, suggest a funny contest (like who can get the best score by rolling the ball backward) to take the focus off the dominator and back onto the group.

The Issue: You like your friend’s date better than your own.

If your double date starts to mimic the one in “When Harry Met Sally,” try to steal a moment alone with your dating partner to powwow about how he or she feels about their date. From there, you can gauge if the two of you are game for a “date swap” and want to pursue the other person, or if you should put your feelings on hold until the date is over.

The Issue: Your friend and her date are really hitting it off — to the point that their PDA is making you and your date mighty uncomfortable.

In some situations, the best thing you can do is laugh. If you and your date aren’t really feeling each other, leave the two lovebirds to their making-out and call it a night (unless of course, you and your friend agreed to go home with each other post-meet-up). If you and your date are hitting it off, just not quite as passionately, perhaps change your location from the dinner table to the bar or the bowling lane to the alley coffee shop to give the pair their privacy — and to spare you from having to watch them swap spit.

The Issue: The check comes and nobody seems to know what to do.

Ideally, everyone on the date will just split the check four ways (unless one person drank like a fish and ran up a particularly lengthy bar tab). If the guys insist on paying, they should split the check in half to avoid nickel-and-diming each other over who ate what and whose date ate what. In the end, what’s ten extra dollars for a fun night out?

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Duckfacing, action shots, shirtless shots: what your dating profile photo says about you

By Natasha Burton

A picture is worth a thousand words, as the phrase goes — and you most likely want your dating profile photo to evoke positive ones from those who view it. Just so you’re clear on how your main snapshot is being perceived, here’s what your profile photo tells potential meet-ups about who you are:

The Self-Taken, Filtered Shot: Instagram is awesome for transforming photos from mundane to artsy. But then there are those people who post photo after lens-filtered photo of themselves mugging for their own smartphone cameras on their social media accounts. When you put up an Intagram-ed, self-taken shot as your main pic, those who view it are going to think you’re one of those newsfeed-clogging photobombers who’s obsessed with his or her own image. Get someone, anyone, to take a photo of you — and please refrain from making the all-too-popular “duckface.”

The Shirtless Shot: While it’s good to know that you’ve got the goods — rock hard abs, an hourglass figure or just an all-around bangin’ bod — using a half-clad pic as your main photo shows that you don’t have much more to offer other than your physical assets. Sure, it’s great that you’re hot, but don’t let your looks be the most important thing about you.

The Incognito Shot: When your main photo includes you sporting a pair of silly glasses or rocking last year’s Halloween costume, you’re showing potential dates — and the world — that you don’t take yourself too seriously. Which can be a great way to preemptively break the ice and attract a meet-up date who isn’t afraid to think (or go) outside the box from time to time. With your photo, you’re saying: People with no sense of humor need not apply.

The Action Shot: If you play soccer (or lead guitar in your band), putting that information right into your profile photo shows that you’re passionate about other things in life aside from wanting to find a date — which is really attractive to those who are looking for a potential partner to add to their lives, not be their lives. Interesting people tend to attract their own kind, so don’t be afraid to show what makes you tick in your main pic.

The Calculated Shot: Snuggling with your dog in your profile pic is cute. Posing in your corner office or your car? Not so much. Sure, you might be really, really proud of finally graduating from your cubicle, or you could think of your sweet ride the way others think of man’s best friend. But you’ll come off as being obsessed with money and status — or worse, only attract those who are — if you try to make like a baller in your main photo.

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She tells you about her checklist and other red flags guys shouldn’t ignore

By Natasha Burton

While first impressions can be deceiving — your date might be nervous or just had a bad day — your gut will tell you if a gal is worth pursuing. And if you don’t listen to it, you might realize after you two start dating that something that bugged you when you first went out is actually kinda a big deal.

Here are five red flags that guys need to look out for on a first date. While they may not all be bonafide deal breakers, you may want to keep these warning signs in mind to avoid issues down the road.

She tells you about her “checklist.”

Most women have some concept of what they want in a man beyond “tall, dark and handsome.” But a gal shouldn’t spend your first date explaining who you must be in order to make it to date number two. Any woman who focuses on her requirements instead of the guy in front of her is too wrapped up in herself and her perceived “needs” to appreciate all the great qualities you have that aren’t on her list.

Her interest in your job has more to do with merit increases than it does merit.

Some women have a way of asking about a man’s job in more of a financial sense than in an actually-interested-in-what-you-do-all-day sense. Beware of a gal who wants to know if your company gives bonuses, how nice your office building is, whether or not you have an office, or how quickly you’ve moved up. As Kanye West once proclaimed, “She ain’t nothin’ but a gold digger.”

She can’t play nice with other girls. 

Some women are always looking for a cat fight and you should know that a woman who hates on other women is usually too insecure to make a good girlfriend in the long run. (You can bet your bottom dollar that her your female friends and sisters will not be spared her nastiness). Beware if your date keeps referring to her co-worker as “that B” or gives the waitress the side-eye during your first meet-up.

Every story she tells somehow includes her ex boyfriend.

When a woman just gets out of a relationship, many of the recent stories might include another man — her ex. But if his name just keeps coming up over and over during your first meet-up, this doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s not over him — it might just be that she hasn’t had any other relevant or interesting experiences besides him. Which could be an issue in the future if you two start a relationship and she realizes that she hasn’t really had a life beyond the guys she’s dated.

She plays with her food instead of eating it.

Nerves can make people do the darndest things — including turn the contents of the bread basket into confetti without even realizing it. Still, guys should pay attention to the way a gal relates to the food in front of her: Body and food issues can affect a woman’s self-esteem and her ability to really be happy in her relationships. While this isn’t to say that you should blow a gal off if she only ordered a side salad during your dinner date, know that a woman’s relationship with food could be a bigger issue — and it will affect your relationship with her, should you embark upon one.

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Interracial Dating Doesn’t Have To Be Difficult

Enjoy this special post by guest blogger, Mary Wright, a New York City based matchmaker who specializes in matchmaking for alternative lifestyles  (interracial, gay and casual daters). Check out her website http://unlockedlove.com

New York City is culturally diverse so there’s a good chance you’ll be placed in a situation to accept or reject a date with a person of a different race. Interracial dating doesn’t have to be difficult. It generally comes down to proper dating etiquette. With a few simple steps, you can feel comfortable and confident about accepting or rejecting interracial dates.
  • Be open-minded – Love doesn’t discriminate and neither should you. We’ve all heard the cliches about love being blind. If in doubt, take a risk and give love a try.
  • Do some research – Use the Internet to discover information about your dates culture and traditions. It’s a great ice breaker to know something about your dates background.
  • Avoid stereotypes – Do not feed into the stereotypes that surround many racial groups. Stay neutral and get to know the individual because each person is unique in their own way.
  • Ask questions – Most people won’t mind telling you about their religion or their families original country of origin. Don’t assume, it’s safer to ask and learn.
  • Decline with tact – If you really don’t want to explore the possibilities of dating outside your own race, don’t beleaguer the process. Be polite and excuse yourself from the date before things go too far. You can simply say you’re not comfortable and no other explanation is really needed.
Hopefully, you’ll be able to expand your dating horizons. If it’s not a love connection, you can still make a new and interesting friend. Learning about other cultures helps expand your perspectives and broadens the mind. Remember, life is all about learning so try to make the best of an interesting experience.

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I represent Queens; she was raised out in Brooklyn: Inter-borough dating

By Dawn Papandrea

No one likes to shlepp across bridges, tunnels, or tons of traffic to go on a date, but when your new love interest lives in another borough, it can definitely be worth the extra effort. Think of it this way — the two of you have tripled your date idea options – your borough, his/her borough, and of course, the neutral ground of “the city.” Here are some tips from making a NYC-style long-distance relationship work…

Compromise dating commutes – Whether it involves paying a toll to get there (i.e. taking the Verrazano-Narrows bridge to Staten Island) or dealing with traffic jams on the dreaded BQE or Belt Parkway, don’t always expect your date to come to you. Be sure to at least offer to change things up, or make this deal: whoever the commuter is gets treated to dinner.

Have a GPS and cell phone handy – The last thing you want to do in some neighborhoods is make a wrong turn and end up completely lost. If you’re meeting somewhere in your date’s home base that you’re not familiar with, get good directions beforehand, and have the address ready to plug into your GPS app or car’s navigation system just in case.

Don’t forget about parking – Depending on the borough and whether or not driveways and parking lots are widely available, going to visit your new mate at his/her home could be hazardous to your road rage health. In other words, be prepared to spend some time circling, looking for the perfect spot. As inter-borough couples will attest, sometimes it’s just best for both of you to base your date night destination around the parking potential.

Play tour guide – Have your date host you on a tour of his or her favorite places, and you do the same. Try to make a case as to why your borough has the best pizza place (mmm… Brooklyn’s Grimaldis!) or best beach (Jacob Riis Park and Rockaway Beach in Queens are popular ones to try).

Have fun with rivalries – Speaking of whose borough rules, a queens vs. bronx love affair is a perfect excuse to take in a ball game at your rival’s ballpark (the Mets’ Citifield in Flushing or Yankee Stadium in the Bronx).

Give yourself a reality check – You don’t live that far away from each other, and there are so many different routes to try. Within the five boroughs, you can likely even get to each via public transportation.

Think of your borough romance as an adventure, and enjoy exploring a whole new part of New York City culture, while getting to know your partner. And remember, it could always be worse — you could be dating someone from Jersey!

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