Category Archives: Graceful Exits

Break-Offs And Breakups: How To End Things Gracefully

by Sabrina Cohen

Rejecting someone—especially after you’ve gone on one or four dates—can be awkward and anxiety provoking. When a MeetMoi dating cycle has run its course, how you choose to end things speaks volumes. We’ve included the most common modes of breaking it off below, along with our insights on delivering each with grace.

1) The blow off might be the best route if your relationship was casual (no intimacies exchanged—sexual or otherwise) or brief (less than three dates, say). It’s a non-verbal hint that works nicely.

2) The hint occupies the middle ground. Being physically unavailable and downgrading your contact to succinct, non-flirtatious texts sends the no-interest signal clearly—without spelling it out. If he or she misses the memo, move onto method #3.

3) It’s absolutely possible to deliver the direct rejection without pandering or pitying. Avoid clichés like, “it’s not you, it’s me.” Instead, give him or her something real. Maybe you didn’t feel the chemistry. Maybe it freaked you out that he seems overly eager to get into a relationship. Our advice: keep it short, positive, and straight-up honest.

Be compassionate, and focus on what feels right to you, not on the person’s reaction. Remember, most people just want to hear the truth so they can move on with clarity and insight.

How do you typically end things? Share your comments below!

Sabrina Cohen is a blogger, copywriter, and creative consultant for MarketSmiths.com.

 

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Filed under Date Etiquette, Graceful Exits

How to break up with someone you’re seeing casually

By Dawn Papandrea

When you’ve been out with someone a few times and had a reasonably decent time, breaking things off can make you feel guilty or awkward or worse — even mean. But sometimes you’re just not feeling it, and you can’t see yourself investing any more time in a relationship that you know isn’t going to progress. When you decide it’s time to break up, here’s how to do it with some finesse…

You have to actually do it. Don’t just disappear, stop answering texts, and ignore voicemails. It’s a cowardly way out, and eventually, karma will put the two of you together in the same venue and you’ll have to deal with an awkward confrontation. Treat your former mate with some respect by being up front.

Avoid classic break up clichés. Hopefully you haven’t been on the giving or receiving end of “It’s not you it’s me,” or “let’s just be friends,” but if you have, you know it’s a whole lot of BS. Instead, offer some kind of explanation during your break up talk as to why it’s not working out. It could be vague such as you’re not ready to be serious or specific, such as you’re going to be traveling a lot for work and it’s not going to work.  When all else fails, you can always say you’re interested in someone else.

Don’t play the blame game (unless it’s warranted).  Avoid a big scene by not saying things like “you’re too stalkerish” or “you don’t pay enough attention to me.” It’s OK to point out wrongdoing if the person is overtly rude (like if he or she stood you up) or nasty (just not cool) or untrustworthy (if he or she is lying now, get out).

Choose a semi-public place and have an exit plan. Have “the talk” while walking outside, or over a cup of coffee, but make sure you arrive separately and have a means to get home on your own. It’s probably not a good idea to break up at either of your apartments since it can linger on longer that you’d like it to.

Be careful of timing. It’s just cruel to break up with someone on his or her birthday, right before Valentine’s Day or the same day someone close to them goes into the hospital. But the truth is, there is no perfect time, so if you’re ready to do the deed, getting it done sooner rather than later is better than leading the other person on.

Don’t type out a break up. Ideally, you owe the person you were seeing a face-to-face goodbye, but at the very least, having a phone conversation is a good backup plan. Don’t ever text, FB, email, or tweet a breakup, though.

Being a good breaker upper is an art form, one that might even leave you with some lasting non-romantic friendships once perfected.

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Filed under Date Etiquette, Graceful Exits

How to bail from a bad Intro

By Natasha Burton

Going on an impromptu date doesn’t mean it will always be a good experience. But just because they happen sometimes doesn’t mean that you have to suffer through the experience. That said, it’s important to understand the difference between a boring date and a bad one. Here are some tips on how to escape, when you absolutely need to, with grace.

1. First, see if you can save the meet-up. If the person you’re with is not very talkative or awkward or a little weird, in your opinion, and you know that they know that things aren’t going so great, get it all out on the open. Just an easy “Whoa, this is kinda awkward, right?” might be enough to break the ice and get it on the right track.

2. Assess your reasons for wanting to bail. Okay, so the guy you met with is totally not your type (you prefer geeky and he’s just another fratty-McFratterson), or the girl you grabbed coffee with looks nothing like her picture. So what? Superficial reasons like those are not good excuses to leave him or her. Stick it out and you just may learn something about the person — and even yourself. Seriously, it’s just one cup of coffee, one drink or one meal. You can handle it. If the date drags on past an hour or so (and you’re ready to leave but the other person can’t take a hint), then you can tell a white lie for the sake of sparing a nice person’s feelings and say you need to meet a friend or catch up on work. Just be sure to give the person a chance before writing him or her off.

3. Don’t make a scene. No, I’m not talking about the kind of scene where you might walk away from the table with a hrmph! while tossing a drink in the other person’s face, I’m talking about those dumb “escape tactics” that women’s magazines tend to suggest you employ when dates go downhill. You know, like going to the bathroom and faking an illness, or having a friend call you mid-way through the date so she can be your ploy to leave. We’ve all been around the block for some time now and we’ve seen, heard of or even done these things before. Assuming the other person is dumb enough to not pick up on your fibs is just plain rude.

4. Speaking of rude, if the other person’s being a jerk, say something. So the guy or gal you met with keeps putting down your job,women, the waiter, minorities–you name it. Not cool, obviously. If you feel the urge to leave for legit reasons, be honest and tell the person that you are really uncomfortable with the things they’re saying or how they’re acting and you think it would be best to call it a night. This upfront way of handling things is far more mature than sneaking out and it allows the person you met with to get some honest feedback (and it may also help them understand why they’re single).

The Bottom Line: When it comes to leaving a date, the most important thing is to be direct, but courteous. Thank the person for meeting you, shake hands, wish him or her well and walk away. Simple as that.


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Filed under Graceful Exits, Meeting Up