Tag Archives: conversation starters

First Date Advice: How to Click in 4 Minutes

By Jackie Potts

Good news for singles: You only need four minutes to hit it off with someone new, and we’ve got some first date advice to help tip the scales in your favor.

Think dating chemistry is all about money and appearance? It really has nothing to do with your car or designer labels, according to a new Stanford University dating study. It’s all about showing compassion, enthusiasm and using the following conversation skills.

By analyzing nearly 1,000 dates, geeky guys Dan McFarland and Dan Jurafsky found that how words were delivered, when and for how long determined the strongest connections. And four minutes is all it takes to spark “a meaningful relationship,” they said.

During these mini-dates, women were definitely the deciders in whether or not the conversations would continue, but both genders can do several things to ensure a second date.

  • Show approval. Use phrases like “That’s awesome” or “Good for you.”
  • Be empathetic. If a date shares a hardship tale, respond with, “That must be tough on you,” or something supportive. Women like guys who seem to understand their problems.
  • Share a short personal or funny story. Spilled BBQ sauce on your shirt? Rode an elevator once with Lil Wayne? Talk about it. But avoid complaining or “Can you believe my ex?” anecdotes.
  • Watch out for the “I” monster. If every other word out of your mouth is “I,” you’re losing your date.
  • Show vocal enthusiasm. Laughing and making your voice louder or softer to mirror the other person’s help create an emotional connection.
  • Don’t grill the other person. What’d you do today? Where do you work out? Hey, where are you going? People lose interest when asked question after question.

Interestingly, both guys and girls reported stronger connections when the conversation focused on her. Take it from Beyonce: Who run the world? Girls.

Jackie Potts is a blogger at MarketSmiths.com. 

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How to Get Along with Men: 5 Things to Say to a Guy (and Avoid Saying)

by Jackie Potts

Earlier this month, we revealed the top 5 Things to Say to Women, according to a poll in The Daily Mail. Now, we’re presenting the flip side for women: 5 things to say to a guy you like that he actually wants to hear.

Sometimes we make the mistake of trying to talk to men like they’re our girlfriends. We might inadvertently share news about “that cute new guy” at work, or push a crush to share feelings he’s not yet ready to reveal.

The thing is: Guys aren’t our girlfriends. They’re not always psyched to hear about your new manicure or probe why they’re clashing with the boss. Sometimes they just want to chill with some wings and beer.

These lines were contributed by real men folk, and we hope they’ll work whether you’re just trying to approach that hottie at Starbucks or want to nudge things along with a guy you’ve just started seeing.

  1.  “Hi, I have a Playstation.”
  2. “I just want you to be yourself.” (This can mean understanding when he wants to spend a Friday night working on a personal project or even watching the new Ultimate Fighting match.)
  3. “I’m behind you 100%. Whatever you want to do.” (Ladies, you don’t always have to be in control.)
  4. “Which action movie do you want to see this weekend?” (Let him pick the movie. It probably won’t be so bad LOL.)
  5. “Why don’t you go out with your friends (and see that movie) tonight — you deserve it.” (If it really is that bad.)

Our man-pals also suggested women avoid saying these things to guys:

“Wow, that guy’s hot” (about someone else). “Why are you so quiet? Is something wrong?”

And men say they really hate it when women make them dance in public. Guess they’re not all Magic Mike wannabes.

Jackie Potts is a blogger at Marketsmiths.com.

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How to Get Along with Women (5 Things Not to Say)

by Jackie Potts

In a drug-store aisle packed with colorful greeting cards, this one leaped out: “Your butt does NOT look fat.” I grabbed the last card and desperately rifled the shelves for more (drats, no luck).

Clearly, this card writer has mastered The Secret of how to talk to women. And so can you, guys. (Even if you botched that whole Valentine’s Day thing.)

All you have to do is memorize that phrase and avoid saying the following five things to your crush, babe, honey or dummy. (In fact, scratch “dummy” off your list, that’s a ticking timebomb right there.)

According to a new poll of 500 lasses in that elite British journal, the Daily Mail, these are the top things not to say to a woman by percentage of votes, lightly translated from the Queen’s English to Queens, N.Y.

5. Will you need a hand parking that, luv? (11%) Need help parallel parking, honey?

4. Calm down, dear! (12%) Calm the eff down!

3. You look tired. (13%) (Ugh, no translation needed)

2. Yes, your bum looks big! (17%) Yes, your butt looks fat! (Yeegads, don’t even bother showing your face without a mea culpa frappuccino after uttering this one.)

1. When’s it due? (26%) How many months are you? (Just stop, drop and roll if you say this to a female who isn’t pregnant.)

So what should you say to an attractive human with girlie parts? “I’m fascinated by your mind,” “You know, I wouldn’t change a thing about you,” and “I got you this cupcake, because you’re awesome” are all pretty much bulletproof.

Got a phrase you like or don’t like? Share it here. And tune in later this month for our companion piece, “How to Get Along with Men.”

Jackie Potts is a blogger at MarketSmiths.com. 

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How to Talk to Guys: 5 Opening Lines for Women

By Jackie Potts

Ladies, ever spot a cute guy but been paralyzed as to how to start a conversation? It used to be fine to play coy and wait for him to approach, but this is 2012, the year of Lady GaGa and Carly Rae Jepsen (Dude, call her already, won’t you?)!

It’s time for you to make the first move, but, never fear, MeetMoi is here to be your wingwoman.  After all, that guy you’re crushing on at the bar may be intimidated because (a) you’re surrounded by a loud group of girls, (b) he just scarfed down a burger piled with onions and doesn’t have a breath mint, or (d) he doesn’t know what to say.  So, if you’ve ever been rendered speechless by a set of dimples, try one of these no-fail opening lines (several also work via MeetMoi message, too):

  1. Hi, You look like my next ex boyfriend. Humor is a great ice-breaker and this little bon mot is sure to get his attention either via MeetMoi message or in person. Plus, if he doesn’t get the joke, then you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you’re smarter than he (er, him).
  2.  I just fell off the wagon. Will you be my sponsor?  Believe us, we have nothing but the greatest respect for those who’ve ditched Mr. Al K. Hall. That’s why the beauty of this dandy is that it works either in a bar setting or at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
  3.  Didn’t I see you at [nearby trendy restaurant or bar]? This is innocent, totally unverifiable, and not 100% stalker-ish at all.
  4. Did you hear [Incubus, Tool or U2] are breaking up? Oh, if I had a Louis Vuitton Speedy for every time a guy asked me to a Tool concert! It’s irrelevant whether this info is true or not. What does matter is that these are bands guys like (you can adjust your band choice by geographical region or genre), and if they’re into music, it will definitely spark their interest. If they genuinely don’t care, then ask, “What kind of music do you like?” to keep the ball rolling.
  5. Which do you like better – the new Camaro or the old Camaro? A reliable guy friend assures me that this is an idiot-proof way to talk to guys because they always have opinions about cars. If he’s the earth-conscious-type, you could always switch to the “new Prius or the old Prius”?

Bonus line:

I don’t bite. – Saunter over and murmur this to the cute but shy guy who keeps staring at you from across the bar.

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Your OMG! Texting Guide: A Male/Female Text Translation

By Jackie Potts

Texting? Oh yeah, you’ve got TXT SWAG. SRSLY. You’re so down, your keypad has flames on it. Even your thumbprints are in the texting hall of fame! So why did that hottie you met at the last MeetMoi event stop texting you back? Things were going TOTZ SWT (totally sweet). You texted morning and night, lots of LULZ (strings of LOLs) and then – silence. Now, even the Mars Rover couldn’t pick up their signal!

You may know how to text, but are you missing the, um, subtext? Sure, nothing beats texting for flirting and killing time (when you’re really in a boring staff meeting!). But behind all the LMAOs and <3s , there’s hidden context. If you miss, or misread it, you could find yourself *ignored*…or worse, banished to Troll Town.

Happily, MeetMoi has your back. First, let us share a few simple rules for Text-topia…

  • Acknowledge. If your latest crush texts, and you can’t text back within 20 minutes, send a smiley face or “Talk later?” For ladies, nothing cools a potential romance faster than if she thinks you’re ignoring her texts. A smiley from a guy shows you’ve gotten the message, but you just can’t reply at the moment. If it’s hours later, a short explanation (“in a meeting” or “phone died” suffices.)
  • Avoid TMI (too much information). Congratulations! You have a life. No need to document your every workout or meal. A little mystery goes a long way.
  • Steer clear of one-word answers. Put a little flavor in your texts.“Coo” or “K” are fine for firming up plans, but will send you to Kas-Text-istan if that’s your entire game.

Do you wish you had a text translator? Check this out. Here’s how to find out if discontent—or a booty call—is what’s really on your crush’s mind.

Things girls text:

❤  = Luv!

LOL = Meh.

Cool = I don’t care.

BRB = I’m bored with this convo.

TTYL! = Someone more interesting is texting me.

! = I like you, but not that much.

!! = I like you. Seriously!!

!!! = I’m on my third latte!!!

🙂 = Can’t talk now.

Things guys text:

Sup = Hi.

Hey = I have no game.

Hi gorgeous = I have too much game.

Whatcha doing? = What are you wearing?

Send me a pic = I forget what you look like.

😉 = I’m horny.

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How to Nail that First Message to an Intro

By Natasha Burton

Your first interaction with an Intro is the very first thing he or she will judge you by — for better or for worse. So, making a good impression with that initial message is obviously key. Here are some tips that will pretty much guarantee a “yes” to your meet-up invitation.

Be concrete

Your message should focus on a solid reason why you think you and the potential date should meet up, not hinge on a vague observation like, “Hey, you’re cute.” Outline why you think you and the person you’re messaging will get along well. Maybe you share a love for surfing or geeky movies, maybe you sense something about his or her personality that speaks to yours. Don’t be afraid to be specific — it shows you’ve put some thought into your message, which will make the person receiving it feel special.

Be thoughtful

Show you read your Intro’s profile by making a thoughtful suggestion of something you could do together. You could build upon your shared interests, if you mention them in the message, or come up with ideas based on what the person is passionate about: If she’s a foodie, ask if she wants to go to a preview at a new restaurant; if he’s an artist, ask about checking out an art walk together.

Be confident

At the end of the message, don’t make comments like “If you’re not interested, don’t worry about messaging me back” or “Sorry for wasting your time.” Statements like these will cause your potential Intro to automatically question whether or not you’re worth the time it takes to meet up — if you don’t have confidence in yourself, why would a stranger have any? If you’re taking the time to message this person, you should be doing so because you think the two of you would hit it off and you’re excited to see if you’re right. Express that, not your doubts, and be clear about your intentions.

Be articulate

Show that you put time into the message by using correct spelling, grammar and punctuation. Try to stick to actual words — don’t include LOLs OMFGs or SRSLYs if you want to be taken seriously — and don’t be afraid to ask a pal to take a look at your message if you’re not sure about how it reads.

Be brief

No one wants to open a message — whether while on a dating site or sifting through work email — and find paragraph upon paragraph awaiting them. Get your point across in three to four sentences. Yes, it might take you longer to be concise, but it’s better to take the extra time to edit yourself down than burden your potential intro with a super long message to sift through.

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Six Questions to NEVER Ask on a First Date

Enjoy this special post by guest blogger, Dr. Christie Hartman.

Dr. Christie Hartman is an author, behavioral scientist, and dating expert. Her most recent book is Changing Your Game, A Man’s Guide to Success with Women. Check out her website at http://www.christiehartman.com/

In this day and age, first dates have taken on new meaning. In the world of conventional dating – the world our parents and anyone born in the Baby Boomer era knew – there were fewer first dates and you actually knew the person you sat across from at dinner. But with the advent of online and mobile dating, going on tons of first dates with utter strangers is the new norm.

Simply getting into this new mindset can be a big challenge for many people. They want so badly to find someone they connect with and grow weary of meeting the wrong people. As a result, some develop a method for weeding out these wrong people as soon as possible.

What is this method, you ask? I call it the “Let’s cut the crap and get right to the serious stuff so I don’t waste my time with the wrong people” method. Advocates of this method look for reasons to rule someone out by asking difficult and personal questions right up front. Here are a few common examples:

  1. What led up to your getting divorced?
  2. Are you looking for marriage and kids?
  3. I’m looking for a serious relationship. Are you?
  4. Why/how did your past relationships end?
  5. What are your goals in life?
  6. Why are you still single?

Questions 1-5 are great questions. Crucial questions, even. However, they’re inappropriate to ask someone you hardly know, and have no business on a first date. And Question 6? That one is never appropriate, whether you mean it as “Someone your age shouldn’t be single” or “You seem too great to be single.” There is no good answer to that question. Everyone is single at some point in their life, no matter how great they are.

But I Don’t Want to Waste My Time!

Of course you don’t. You don’t want someone who cheated on their ex with the neighbor, isn’t looking for a serious relationship like you are, or has some other deal-breaker. But first dates should never be interviews, where you ask test questions and see if your date fails. By doing this, you not only rule out the wrong people, you rule out the right ones too. Why? Because even those who pass your test will hate being put on the spot by a total stranger, or will dislike their happy hour taking a turn down Serious Lane.

Remember: A first date, meet-and-greet, or impromptu meeting is an opportunity to get a feel for someone: Is she interesting? Is he polite? Am I interested enough to go on a second date? That’s it. Save the personal questions for people you’ve built rapport and trust with.

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