Let’s Talk About Sex: 10 Questions to Ask a New Partner

by Ella

Talking about sex can be awkward, which is why most people just do it, no questions asked. But pillow talk can be the perfect opportunity to learn more about your partner, and asking questions often lightens a nervous mood. Here are some ideas for someone you’ve just started sleeping with. Not too graphic, not too intimate, but enough to start a teasing tête-à-tête.

1. How was your first kiss?

Take a trip down memory lane and find out if there were fireworks when your date had his or her first kiss. Where were they? Was it expected? 

2. How do you like to be touched?

Finding out the answer to a question like this means you then have the ability to give your partner exactly what they want. If they have no idea what their preference is, stroke them softly and ask, “Do you like that?” Try different pressure or speed until you get a resounding yes.

3. Are there certain everyday things you find erotic?

We’re all familiar with the tropes: a woman eating a banana or a man holding a baby might be reliable erotic triggers for your partner. But who knows, maybe the smell of fresh laundry turns them on. Maybe they get off on jumping jacks.

4. Where’s the strangest place you’ve had sex?

With all these questions, the key point is to alleviate judgment. Maybe your partner has done it on a park bench in broad daylight, maybe they’ve never left the bed. Either way, you won’t do anything to further the relationship if you label them “dirty” or “vanilla.” Instead, further the subject: Where’s the strangest place you’d like to have sex in the future?

5. What are your thoughts on sexting?

Practically, this is good to know before you dash off a “I’m touching myself thinking of you” text.

6. What physical feature do you notice first?

Likely your partner will end up mentioning your body. If he loved your red lips, you know what to do when you want to be especially seductive. If she was struck by your smattering of chest hair, you might want to pull out the deep V more often.

7. What kind of music do you like to have sex to?

We hear Autre Ne Veut’s “Ego Free Sex Free” is today’s top sex tune, but your partner might be more into Barry White or Bon Iver. Obviously the next time you hook up, you’ll have their favorite tracks in a playlist on Spotify.

8. When did your parents give you “the talk”?

If it never happened, how did your partner find out about the birds and the bees? Did they get any misinformation? Compare stories of embarrassing adolescence–we have faith you’ll laugh about it all now. 

9. Do you have any secret sensitive spots?

This could translate to ticklish or erotic, but whether the area is a no-go or “yes please, go,” you–as a considerate partner–need to know.

10. Where in this space do you (or would you) like to have sex?

Nothing is off limits. Corners, counters, the tempting shag rug in the middle of the room…


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Filed under Date Etiquette

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