Following up after date #1

By Dawn Papandrea

The good news is your first MeetMoi get together went great! After some fun back and forth, you really seemed to click over coffee and great conversation. So now what? How can you get to the next date level? If you’re tempted to follow some arbitrary rule, like waiting three days to call, forget it!The 1990s are over! . For some real-time advice, we caught up with Julie Spira, online and mobile dating expert and the bestselling author of “The Perils of Cyber-Dating,” to get her take on what modern singles should know about the post-date follow up…

Make your tech work for you. Thanks to mobile technology, there are a lot more ways to stay in touch and feel each other out in that awkward time immediately following a date. “Why play games in today’s fast digital dating marketplace?” asks Spira. Go ahead and send a text message to make sure your date made it home safely, she suggests. Or, if you’d rather wait until the next morning, send off an email  that says you had a great time last night. “Digital Chivalry shows you’re a confident man,” says Spira.

But don’t rely too much on tech… There is a digital dating ranking system, says Spira, that goes like this: #1 call. #2 email. #3 text. #4 Facebook. #5 Twitter. In other words, emoticons will never make a better impression than the sound of someone’s voice. Plus, tone is often lost in written communication and can send the wrong message altogether. “Emails and text messages could be sent in a joking manner and taken out of context,” says Spira, pointing out that women sometimes tend to over-analyze messages.

When in doubt, try this protocol: Let your date know via email that you had a great time, and you’ll call later. Then follow up and dial his or her number.

Guy or gal: Who should follow up? Even in our modern age, many women still like it when a guy makes the first move, but sitting home waiting for the phone to ring is a bit too old-fashioned. While women don’t want to seem super clingy or stalker-ish, sending fun and flirty messages is totally fair game. And, if the guy is into a girl he meets, he’ll be thrilled to hear from her. “Some guys will be flattered if you call the next day to say hello. Often they aren’t sure if they’ll be rejected or not, and remember, everyone is still playing the field waiting for the next connection,” says Spira.

What if you weren’t wowed on date one? The best dates are the ones where you actually put another date on the calendar when you say good night, says Spira, but of course that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes things go well, but there wasn’t a huge spark to tell you that you met “the one.” Still, that doesn’t mean the date was a dud. “You should follow up, even if you aren’t sure,” says Spira. Who know what excitement date number two might bring? The worst that will happen is you’ll end up with a new friend.

Setting up date one is the hard part. Once you hit it off, there’s no reason to let silly rules get in the way of setting up your next meeting. Pick up the phone and text, email, or dial your way to date number two.

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2 Comments

Filed under Date Etiquette

2 responses to “Following up after date #1

  1. That’s so true. Both parties tend to get caught up in the “should I call or not?” game. The truth is, if someone had a great time, they won’t be “scared off” by a simple email, text or call. And yeah, I’ve scared guys off by texting or calling them the next day – I say, good riddance!

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